Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
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Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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