I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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