I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
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all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
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He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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