I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
