This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
