Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
