no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
