Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
