I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
