She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
