I can tuck mytits in my pants
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
