When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
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She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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