The beer is more important than you right now.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
