I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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