Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
