i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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