he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
