The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
