How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
