You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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