i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
