Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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