I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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