ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
