I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
