Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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