She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
