just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
