You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
