I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
