this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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