So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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