just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
