watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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