Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
