i'm lost and i look like a hooker
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
