I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have feelings that need drinking.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
