weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
