Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
