At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
