So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
