Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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