a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
