is your mom at the bar?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I need to stop coming to work sober
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
