his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
