just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
