come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You are a genius and a whore.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
