got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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