And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
foreskin is a definite game changer
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
