youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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