The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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