It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
