Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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