Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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