ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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