I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
