I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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