I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
