My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
