C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
