I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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