Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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