You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
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And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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