So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
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Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dear god my vagina.
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