I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
