Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
